Facing a Bend in the Road

By Theresa Anthony, author

I am not a fan of change. I actually like living life in a well-worn rut because I like knowing what to expect each day. Boring, yes maybe, but in my post-loss world the main goal has been to control my anxiety levels.

That’s all well and good when life is perfectly predictable, until it isn’t. A few months ago, an unforeseen career setback forced me to [gasp] make a change in my perspective, and my life.

Eleven years ago, about a year after losing my son to suicide and my man to leukemia (within a nine-month period), I realized I wasn’t able to function in a regular workplace environment. Because the level of grief I was experiencing was off the charts, I really struggled to keep myself composed at work. So, being the entrepreneurial type, I had to come up with a plan to earn a living within the comfort and privacy of my home.

By that time in 2015, I’d been a freelance writer for about eighteen years, and extensively published. The idea to launch my own content writing business was a perfect solution to the problem. I decided to seek clients within the mental health and addiction recovery space so I could hopefully help those who struggled like my poor son had. The goal was to make a living while also honoring him. Fortunately, it didn’t take long before I had multiple clients on board, and within a year I was earning enough to meet my financial needs.

Over the last decade, I’ve written thousands of meaningful blogs and other forms of content, and have also authored three books. Each book is written from the heart, and revolves around the themes of grief and loss, healing, and survival.

Time for Change

About 3 1/2 years ago, I made the big decision to follow my grandkids from California to Tennessee, a decision I now realize in hindsight was pivotal in my grief journey. I didn’t know at the time just how much I needed to make a fresh start, to begin again in a place where no one knew my sad story - and I have never looked back.

I went about rebuilding my life. I joined a church family, made new friends, played weekly Trivia, and started singing in the community choir. My social life was full and I especially enjoyed spending time with my precious grandkids.

As for work, it was easy to shift my writing business to my new home base. There in my cozy little cottage, I settled in to my “workshop” and carried on. My quest to stay hidden away from humanity, during work hours anyway, would continue unabated. I really loved being ensconced in such a comfortable and predictable space, my little bubble where I could just be myself.

What I didn’t realize was how much I actually needed to bust out of that paradigm and spread my wings, to test out how far I’d come in my healing process. But God knew, so He put things in motion.

One day in the late summer, out of the clear blue, I received an email from my largest client, a digital marketing agency that I’d worked with for over ten years, explaining that they were experiencing financial issues and as a result would have to let me go, along with the social media manager. I was devastated. I mourned this loss almost like a death. After working for years to build up my business, I'd lost a major chunk of my income in an instant.

Ironically, about two weeks prior to this bombshell email, I had, on a total whim, applied for a part-time job in our historic town square. I felt ready to dip my toe into the work world again in this quaint, delightful setting that always fills me with joy. It would be my “fun job” to get me out of the house a bit while earning a little extra income. Within days, I was offered a job at the most beautiful store on the square.

Later, when the bomb dropped on my writing business, I figured, no problem, I’d just replace that client with another one. I still had other clients to keep me busy, as well as my Etsy shop “Soul Stirrings Gifts,” so all was not lost. However, once I started actually looking for new clients, I soon discovered how much the industry had changed in recent years.

In essence, I had been put out to pasture. The writing was on the wall, so to speak. The skill-set that I possess is no longer in demand, as many industries are now embracing A.I. for their content needs. There were plenty of freelance jobs available on the platform, but the skills being sought were skills I didn’t have - and knew I didn’t have the wherewithal to develop them at this point of my life.

A bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you fail to make the turn  ~Helen Keller

Meanwhile, I found myself looking forward to my shifts at the store. Every single day at work provided a steady stream of friendly and interesting people, many from out of town. I found myself smiling, laughing, chatting, and learning - truly enjoying myself on the job. Now untethered from my desk, I came to realize how much I enjoyed being part of a work family again.

I can’t help but realize that this was all part of God’s master plan for my life. He knew it was time for me to make a change, even if such change had to be forced upon me. Yes, it has been nice being cloistered inside my safe space where I could control the environment and limit exposure to potential triggers and stressors. But God wanted me to stretch and grow, to breach those walls that kept me tucked away. He knew I was strong enough.

As for my finances, you’d think I’d be freaked out about the substantial loss of income, which obviously cannot be replaced with a little part-time retail gig, but I am surprisingly calm. This is one of those times when I look up to the sky and say, “Jesus, I trust in you.” He will provide.

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